Mommy guilt

This morning (followed by an entire day...) I stumbled upon a whole new realm of mommy guilt, I've not much considered before. The reason ... I'm a mom.

Well, duh, right? Several of my great coworkers and friends are moms. One of them is pregnant with her second, and just found out she is having a boy. She is emotionally and mentally working through the algebra - trying to add up what feel like numbers (a girl) and letters (a boy) - that will equal her family in the coming months.

Unbeknownst to me, one of our other coworkers has been trying to start her own family over the last year. As many, many people know there are so many ups and downs in that journey. I've seen, listened to, and cheered for many people traveling that road that finally ended in beautiful, bouncing babies. But- I've never done this cheerleading from the other side of the field.

You know, the one full of beautiful, bouncing babies.

Long story short- this coworker popped into my office for some refuge from the baby algebra this morning and shared her story, and that she wouldn't care what numbers, letters, or symbols it involved, as long as the equation ended with a baby in her arms. All day, this weighed on me and my emotions. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is to feel something so out of your reach and control. I know that it is the best thing you will ever experience and that you would never give it up from the second you know you've got it. I am hopeful that she will soon know how wonderful motherhood is.

Yet, I also understand the fear that even a mom who has been there, done that feels when she knows there is something new and different happening to the family she already has. The fear of how it will change what she has worked hard for, and the mixed feelings about your own ability to make it work and do it all right.

After school, several of us (most of whom are mommas+ someone who really wants to be among others) were chatting, and it of course turned to how the pregnancy was going, deliveries, babies, and kids in general. She, I think made herself stay through the conversation, then quietly walked away after the topic changed. I couldn't help but think that it must be so hard to be surrounded by momma after momma everywhere.

I am so thankful to have my beautiful boy and know I will happily welcome another baby (or 2) into our family in the future. I will never be the person I was before that little boy came into my life, my life will never be the same. And I wouldn't have it any other way. But I can't help feeling guilty because there are people whose lives haven't been touched with that gift yet. This really is a whole new realm of mommy guilt, that I'm not sure I will be able to shake until a few more babies have entered the world. Most importantly her world.

those eyes and that smile make it all worth it

Just so you know

Babies smell good.

Winter sucks

This, we knew. But let's stop for a moment and ponder how much winter sucks for a mobily (say: moo-bi- leee yes, I know, I made it up) inclined, yet still wobbly bundled up baby boy of just less than one.

This predicament in pictures:

Baby Luke meet Baby Adam

Last weekend, since I was chomping at the bit, ahem, eager to visit my big sis and her beautiful children, and meet my new nephew Adam. I was very glad the weather ceased being completely ridiculous so we were able to make the trip.

I wonderered how the Booger would do meeting the new 'baby' in the family. He didn't get long to hold the title, and I'm sure Adam will reign longer than the recent crown holders (J & S were 14 months, and Luke almost 12 months when new 'babies' came along).

Seems he wasn't too phased, a bit interested, but relatively non- chalant. He was pretty satisfied invading his cousins' toys, and showing off his big boy near walking skills.

(Not so) Baby Luke

Oh... I guess that's it.

A closer look

Baby Adam

Walking the path to toddler-hood


Oh and last but not least... Happy Birthday Paul! Thanks for taking good care of my sister and all your little ones. I'm very lucky to have gained such a great brother! Love ya.

Welcome!

I am happy to announce the splendid arrival of my new niece or nephew!

I can't spoil the surprise dear folks, no fair. But I am happy to say everyone is happy and healthy. And tired, I'm sure.

It's hard to grasp how much has changed for them over the last two years. I remember being so worried and scared for my sister and her babies two years ago. I was at work and couldn't wait to get out of there, let alone make the two hour drive! The last time around was very hard for her physically, and I can't imagine how hard mentally and emotionally. I had to wait a few minutes after the Booger was born to hold him and if I hadn't been cursing at the doctor while he did his doctorly duties- I would've been jumping off the table to get him.

I am so unbelievably happy that she and my brother in law were able to enjoy the wonderful experience that is 'having' a baby. I remember talking to her soon after she discovered this little joy was soon to come, okay as soon as ten pregnant months can be... She was so worried about being a good mom to all of her little ones. I had no worries- only awe. Because if anyone can do it- it's her. I've not seen anyone raise twins before, but somehow she makes it look super de duper easy! She and her hubby are the first people I go to with any baby (and way to quickly toddler)-related questions, and by golly, if they don't know they find out! Thanks for being such a great parents and helping us to make it through our (no doubt, not toughest) first year. I love you two and all your babies so much. Congratulations. Enjoy what your family has grown into!

I must stop before I get waaaay to sentimental- I feel a lot of those moments arising, and I feel I should spare you...

(hint hint- if you head over to facebook, Barb has made an announcement!!!!)